In life, essentially, everything needs prior preparation. You have to do a background check, study and undertake a research especially when you enter into an unknown territory. For instance, suppose you want to buy a car, you have to first inquire about the specifications and model of your choice.
Even in University or School, do you walk into an examination room to do your final test without studying materials? Of course not, you have to study in order to get good exam results.
Similarly, studying and preparing for marriage is crucial. You do not walk into marriage blindfolded. Marriage is an important institution, a covenant; you have to be mentally, emotionally, and spiritually prepared. Without preparing for marriage, you may end up living unhappily in your home hence jeopardizing your vision in life, and therefore, leading to unsuccessful marriage.
Being a Christian does not necessarily guarantee a happy and successful marriage or securing your marriage, but only understanding and abiding by the principles of marriage. It is not only unbelievers who are having their marriages failing, but also Christians. A study by a sociologist, Prof. Bradley Wright, from the University of Connecticut, in the US, indicates that 38 percent of Christians who attend Church are divorced.
Therefore, if you are a single man looking forward to have a successful marriage, there are a number of things you must learn/or do to prepare yourself for marriage. We’ve discussed ten effective and practical ways to prepare yourself that are derived from an audio book titled ‘When am I Ready to Marry’ by Dr. Sunday Adelaja, which I would highly recommend as it is an educative material regarding preparation for marriage.
So having said that let us have a look at these effective ways – Here are ten things every man should do before they marry.
1. Overcome The Misconception That a Man has To Marry Once He Clocks a Certain Age
There is a certain age that the society believes a man is considered ready to marry, which is a fallacy. In order to have a successful marriage, you need to get rid of this misconception as it is not true.
A man is ONLY ready to get married once he is mature, responsible, and ready to handle whatever life throws at him. Personally, I know men over the age of 50 years who are still immature and on the other hand, I know men in their early 20s who are far more equipped in handling life issues. Therefore, never consider your age as the sole determining factor for getting married, but look at the level of your maturity and responsibilities.
2. Make Use of Your Time When Single
Being single is a wonderful opportunity to visualize your dreams in life. Dig deep to find out your top priorities and true values. This also is the prime time to improve your skills in line with your field of career to increase the chances of securing the future of your family and enhancing your stability from a financial point of view in advance.
Also, before marriage, make sure that you develop yourself by having more skills; you can become an “authoritative” individual in more than just one field. This will build your credibility and by this way your chances of being unemployed would be zero.
On the other side, it is also appropriate time to work on your traits- especially the negative ones- such as unhelpful feelings because if you bring resentment into your marriage, it can be doomed from the start. So make use of this time to work on your personal growth-spiritually, financially, emotionally-because once you are married, you will be overwhelmed by marital responsibilities hence having limited time to work on yourself.
3. Learn To Be Responsible for Your Life
Marriage is an institution that requires great effort. Sometimes the challenges in marriage may be overwhelming that someone can consider throwing in the towel. Therefore, you need to weigh yourself before getting married. Are you able to overcome challenges and fix things that life throws at you? How responsible are you when single? Honestly, if you cannot take responsibility of yourself when single, how do you think you can be responsible for another woman in your life?
Most men make a mistake of rushing into marriage without learning how to live responsibly. Instead of getting into marriage, you should instead maximize your self-sufficiency-have your own apartment where you can take your future partner, own a car to ease your movement and that of your family, be financially stable etc. Proof that you are stable and can support yourself.
Dr. Sunday Adelaja, the Pastor of the Embassy of God Church in Ukraine, has stringent rules imposed on any man who wants to approach a woman within his congregation for marriage. The man must have his own car, apartment, and regular stable income of $2,000 or more because that is the only way you can justify that you are capable of supporting someone else. So work hard for yourself so that your life in marriage would be easy and smooth.
4. Study the Nature of Women
All women are neither the same, but there are traits that are common among them, which a man ready to get married must get to learn. You need to learn their temperament, likes and dislikes, how to please a woman, the love language of women, desires of women in marriage, why women want to marry, their needs and how to meet them, their changes when they get into marriage, their changes during pregnancy, their changes when they give birth and many more. Getting to learn all these will put you in a pole position to handle your future wife.
5. Be a Problem Solver
Marriage is not for the fainthearted. The stronger you are-spiritually, emotionally-the more ready you are to accommodate another person and all their problems, faults and weaknesses. Marriage may bring distresses and new problems. Therefore, you have to be very strong to solve your partner’s issues and difficulties. So harden up while you are still single.
Try to solve you issues while you are still single. You may be facing some challenges for example, being unemployed or having low wages, you can formulate ways of solving it by starting a business to increase your income. On the other hand, it is advisable to choose a woman able to solve issues as they say ‘‘a problem shared is a problem halved’’.
6. Be 100% Satisfied With The Woman You Want To Marry
In ‘‘When am I Ready to Marry,” Dr. Sunday Adelaja shares a practical strategy on how to discover if you truly love the woman you want to marry. Adelaja says that imagine unfortunate circumstances like the woman you intend to marry putting on weight, or cheated or even barren. Will you still love her? If the answer is no, then that is a clear indication that she is not the right partner.
It is therefore important to make sure that you are fully satisfied with the woman you want to marry so that in times of trouble or with her weaknesses you will still love her unconditionally since a sacrificial love is the cornerstone of a successful marriage.
7. Do Not Compromise On the Woman You Choose
Most men end up disheartening and living unhappy marriage due to marrying someone they ‘kind-of like’ instead of someone they are ‘head over hills for’: Not forgetting that marriage is a covenant for life, don’t ever compromise on the woman you want to marry, even if it means waiting for a long time to find the right partner. Therefore, as a single man, you need to open your eyes wide; pray to God, so that you can get a wonderful and the best woman in your life.
8. Have a Protective Mindset
A man is equipped to protect his partner. Protecting does not simply means being physically strong to protect her from external aggression, but there is more. When you ask a woman for her hand in marriage, it literary means that you are requesting her to leave the comfort of her family and relatives as you will replace them-be it physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
The Bible also expresses a woman as a weaker vessel; hence, your marital partner must be handled with care as they are delicate. So adopt the mentality of protecting your future wife in all aspects-physically, emotionally, financially, sexually, – even protecting her from your sin since every woman desires to be protected by her man.
9. Give Her Assurance
The dream of every woman is to get married to a man who can give her an absolute assurance. A woman longs to get into a stable marriage with better living standards, having a husband who brings joy/happiness to his family, is spiritual as well as having financial security. Therefore, before you start a courtship, make sure you strive for stability and secured future.
Assurance in marriage or relationship is not just what you tell her, but it is what you demonstrate. You need to show that you love her, care for her, value her; for example calling her on a daily basis will give her the assurance that besides God she is first in your life.
You should always be there for her during her happy and bad times, for example, Dr. Sunday Adelaja, gave an example of what her fiancée went through during their courtship period. His fiancée had a cyst around her eyes and operation was performed, but the cyst did not heal. Adelaja loved her so much and wanted to give her assurance that she should not be worried as he was there for her. He gave her spiritual protection by committing to fast for one week and prayed for her partner as operation done twice could not heal her eyes so he had to pray as he is a man of God. Eventually, her fiancée at the time, healed through the prayers.
10. Be Honest
All women are looking for a man who is transparent.
Honesty is a key factor in marriage as it can either make or break your marriage. So from the start, be transparent and open to the woman you desire to marry. If you sugarcoat things to look good could damage your relationship at some point.
Being honest is a great foundational way to a successful marriage. Putting everything on the table enables you to know what stage you both are in life and areas you need to improve.
Marriage is also a teamwork and in order for it to work and have a prosperous relationship, the partners must understand each other’s strength and weaknesses so that they can give each other the needed energy to navigate the challenges in life.
Knowing that you can trust each other allow both of you be your best self and your marriage will thrive. Therefore, you need to give your marriage/relationship the chance to flourish by being transparent/honesty with your partner.
11. Be a Fun Person To Be With
Finally, most women want a man who is jovial and optimistic in life. To ensure you live an enjoyable marriage, do whatever it takes to get a sense of humor, be playful and always positive.
The tips given in relation to preparation for marriage may appear tough/sound harsh, but marriage is a covenant that someone who would like to get married must take it seriously. Many people just walk into the institution of marriage without preparations, but end up miserably if not wanting to walk out. So start preparing yourself for marriage to make your ending happy and easy.